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[May. 2nd, 2007|01:01 am] |
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so, i'm asking again, well, pleading again. my paper is due friday and i really need some quotes from people. please take 5 minutes and just throw something at me. refer to my last entry. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 30th, 2007|07:17 pm] |
okay, i need a little imput here.
it's for a research paper i'm doing..
just tell me, in a brief sentence or two, what it means to be american. what is an american?
it can be good, bad, about anything specific, or really general. i just need many different opinions.
thank you! and please, be a little serious here. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 25th, 2007|10:16 am] |
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woohoo! i'm going to chicago! |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 21st, 2007|07:05 pm] |
i'm itching to get out and do something!
i need a job.
i really want to take dance lessons. i think i could be really good at it. hah, eventually i want to learn how to dance burlesque. hah.. seriously, though.
i also pretty much need to take singing lessons. i really want to do something with my voice, and i definitely need some private instruction to help me out.
without a job though, i'm kinda out of luck.
saw "disturbia" a few days ago. man, it was a really, really good thriller. you couldn't predict what would happen, and everyone in it was a damn good actor. and of course, it had shia labeouf starring in it and he is so damn entrancing, it's insane. point is, it's a realy good movie, with good acting.
damn i already am in desperate need to have hair again. it's so hard sometimes to still feel girly without hair. i want to at least keep it for the summer though, and then i'm going to grow it out. i miss my curls and well, i kind of destroyed their existance when i cut my hair.
pretty much, things are less than good. just trying to focus on things that make me happy though. i guess that's why i'm so anxious to take voice lessons. damn i miss singing in choir, and learning music, and memorizing difficult intervls and rhythm and then feel so good when you nail it.
i performed for the first time in a while, and i think it was the most comfortable i've been while singing. i didn't do my best, but i did okay, and the crowd seemed to enjoy it. i actually had fun being up there, and just let myself relax and enjoy having everyone pretty much lend their attention to me, willingly. it was a nice feeling, especially with my dad supporting me right beside me. it just made me realize even more that i want to sing, and i want to make music, and perform, and overdose on drugs because of my crazy rock and roll life! okay, just kidding about that last part. but, i want to make it, and i think i can if i put a little more effort into it. because right now.. i'mmm singing in my car. hah, yeah, that's gonna get us a deal. matt and i can create some good stuff because we're both good at different aspects of music, and kind of fill in the blanks for each other.
alright, i'm done talking about again things i don't have. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 13th, 2007|09:33 pm] |
i realized why i never write in here anymore. there's nothing i can write about that isn't going to disappoint someone.
i'm kinda sick of censoring. in all shapes in form in my life. and everyone else's.
well this morning on the bus, i got to thinking. It was one of those thinking times when there's never a moment of silence. One thought led to the next, and the next, and the next, until i had examined every aspect of my current life. Finally got to my stop, and i get off the bus just to be welcomed by the city with pouring rain.
i don't think i looked anyone in the eyes today. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 7th, 2007|10:11 pm] |
you know, i keep thinking i'm doing better, but always fall back to the fact that i'm disappointed in so many things. it's very hard to like myself right now, my friends situation is pretty much non-existent, and we're pretty damn broke, and my search for a good job isn't going well.
i'm getting really burnt out. it'd be nice to have someone to talk to once in a while. i can't help but keep latching onto those few good friendships i used to have. i'm sick of being completely confused by my few cornish friends. god sometimes it seems like i'm just tagging along. i really didn't think i was completely repellent, but sometimes i just can't help but tell myself that. it's actually pretty pathetic. i didn't even want to write an entry about this because how lame is it? it's pretty embarrassing when i go off to college, leaving a highschool with few friends, and ending up pretty much hanging out in the library doing my work, or going home. there are already so many groups at cornish, that it's past the point to really get to know anyone else. of course i know that's not true, but it's pretty damn hard to break through shit like that. especially if your me, little anxiety-filled me.
is it so much to have a few friends that actually call me? want to hang out? want to tell me things, and listen to me? and for once, not be so awkward because i constantly tell myself something is wrong.
i wish i could say i was doing great, but then.. well, i'd be lying. matt and our kitties seems like the only things keeping me afloat.
i wish i could like myself.
i wish i had the balls to change things.
i wish i didn't have these things to say.
i wish i was have fun being 19. it's not that fun.
but then again, i'm probably just being pessimistic.
i can't help but say FUCK THE WORLD.
oh yeah, and FUCK AMERICA. you're such an asshole! |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 31st, 2007|07:32 pm] |
so i'll sit here
with my dirty mug
writing new stories for myself
throwing books off the shelf
wishing you were here
and wishing you understood
wishing for everything to change
and nothing to fail
so i'll sit here
static and still
hoping that when i open my eyes, things will be different
hoping i will be different
hoping that the answer is easy, and simple.
hoping that you'll come along and things will fit
sitting here makes no difference
but i'll sit here, hoping it will
so i'll sit here
watching dusk come again too quickly
and feeling the same way every morning
counting the times there was a chance
and losing the opportunity to do something more
than just be unhappy with what is here now
maybe next time, the bright side will charm my attention
and send me to the edge and over
to a place where i can run. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 27th, 2007|10:04 pm] |
i've been all over the place the past couple weeks. things have been crazy. spring break was pretty chill except for not really hanging out with anyone from seattle. michel was just here for a week. we went to seattle one night at around 10:30, and walked around all night. now when i say all night, i mean, we were there until morning, when business people began going to their business jobs. we took the bus back home at 8 am. it was me, matt, michel, and dena..
unfortunately, michel had the stomach flu the 2nd half of the week, and i felt really sick too, so that half of the week consisted of melting into the couch.
school sucks right now. school is general is a really hard thing for me. especially with the commute. for those of you who know me enough, you know how i pretty much feel sick or like crap all the time. so having home be at least an hour away, is really hard for me. i get sick and school, and there's no where to go. it's also hard getting up at 5:30 for my early class, and having to pay 2.50 to ride a bus to seattle which i only end up falling asleep on anyway, therefore putting me a groggy, grumpy mood. commuting bites. the good thing is, next year will be so much better. freshman year here is such a joke. the classes are a joke. except for life drawing, the one class i had to drop out of. next year we finally get to work on our concentrations in the studios. god i cannot wait to take photo again. i haven't done any photography in over a year. it's so crazy, because senior year, that's all i did. i was pulling prints out left and right. so, i am SO looking forward to access to the darkroom. also, today, i saw the sculpture room for the first time today. it made me drool a little. so much room, and tools, and materials, and fucking great stuff. i cannot wait for my sculpture concentration either. also, the sculpture teacher is bombbb. and for my third concentration, i will most likely be taking video. i can't let my love for technology slip! so, basically, school is over in 5 weeks, and then i have 4 months to work my ass off at whatever job i can land.
I cannot wait to get out of federal way. i need to live in seattle next year. i can't have a repeat of this year. no way.
i hardly ever update anymore and i feel like when i do it's boring, and just listing what's "new"...or something. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 13th, 2007|05:16 pm] |
well, because people are selfish assholes, our spring break camping isn't going to happen anymore.
i'm unbelieveably fed up with the few friendships in my life right now. i'm ready to just give up. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 12th, 2007|10:18 pm] |
SHIT people are frustrating. i feel like people aren't being honest and they're just saying what they think i want them to say.
some friendships are just ridiculous. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 28th, 2007|12:57 pm] |
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i, after a long hiatus, posted a new entry in my photo blog: here. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 26th, 2007|09:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  mellow | ] |
the next two weeks, after this one, will be pretty good. well, actually, the next 3 weeks. so next week, one of my classes is off for an extra week, prior to spring break, which is the week after. Then, the week after spring break, my best friend from school who moved to chicago is coming to stay with us for her spring break. We are going to party so hard. I miss her and we can totally party just as much as the other, so we're a good match.
My grades are not so good right now because of how much school I've been missing, but I'm going for perfect attendance for the rest of the year. We are done with our first year of college in early May. I'm so blown away by that. 2nd year will be good, but hard. Most likely, and if it doesn't happen i may just give up and die, Matt and I will be living in Seattle, and will be close to school. Sophomore year we finally get to use the studios and learn some technique. We start studying our three concentrations. It's a much more academic year. My three concentrations will most likely be Photography, Sculpture, and Video. I'm still iffy on the video though. i know I want to do photography and sculpture, but I'm not sure what else to concentrate on. There are a lot of options. And, to make it more confusing, there are only 2 sculpture teachers. One is my foundations teacher this year, and i can't stand her. The other teacher, gave a lecture last week that I missed. My friend reported that he was hard to listen to. I guess that's better than Ruthie. Gah.
I really want Matt and I and maybe other people to go down to Tennessee for Bonaroo Festival. It's a 3 day music festival that tool, the police, and the white stripes are headlining.
speaking of bands: some news:
chris cornell quit audioslave! this is good.
danny carey, tool's drummer, pulled his bicep or something so there tour is being postponed. damnit.
rage is reuniting to play at Coachella in LA as a protest agains't bush.
THEREFORE, with chris cornell being gone from auidoslave, that leaves the opportunity for rage to unite for possibly good, or at least for a while. I know it might not happen, but matt and i are getting our hopes us. everything is going to plan so far. (for those of you who are confused, audioslave is rage against the machine but with chris cornell as the singer, instead of zach who sings for rage.)
Little Jack is doing well. He did catch a cold, but we got him on some medicine and he's doing fine. Unfortunately, Frank caught the same cold so we have to now get him medicine. We have spent hundreds this months on the kitties. They're worth it though. They seriously are my children and would die if anything happened to them. I've been thinking lately, that even though I love art, I feel like I have bigger passions. Animals, for instance. I am never not interested in animals. Especially mammals. Everything about them fascinates me. Their personalities, their behavior, their abilities, just everything. They're like people, but wayyyyy better. I can spend hours with an animal and not get bored. I wish I could maybe someday work at a reservation taking care of captive endangered species or something. I would give anything to be a Surrogate Mother to an animal at a place like that. That's like my dream. But it's not something you can just do. I'm pretty sure you have to have a lot of schooling and training and internships. Maybe it's something I can explore later in life when I have more time. I just feel like I'm waisting this passion I have.
We just watched The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy the other night. i thought it was actually really amusing. Mos Def was pretty darn good. I need to read the book.
Alright, this is getting long.
You know what is completely ridiculous? The Billboard Top 40 Album Charts. It's a little disappointing when the best thing out there right now, is Hannah Montana, and Fall Out Boy. |
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| New. |
[Feb. 26th, 2007|09:14 pm] |
I decided to start a blog to document inspiring stuff, basically.
here you go: blogish |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 10th, 2007|07:26 pm] |
the kitties are getting closer. they actually play sometimes; it doesn't last long, but that's okay. Jack, the kitten, wants to play with Frank so bad. He constantly pounces on him, sneaks up on him, plays with his tail. I think Jack is going to be a really good cat. He's got a great personality. I feel like he's my baby; literally. I already love him. And Frank is getting over it bit by bit and going back to normal. I'm not really worried.
Alright, sorry for rambling about my cats.
bleh. school is kind of sucking right now. ever since my best friend there moved, i've been a total hermit and loner. Then I just get in this defiant mood where I tell myself I don't care and i can like school even without having a lot of friends there. But I do care, and it's making school awkward for me. man, those social skills of mine are sure shining through! ...
hah, it's okay. i can spend my free time with my fiance, and my cats. They're my favorite anyway. Oh, and of course -- mommy.
it's been hard to feel good about myself lately because i have no money to do anything with my hair, or get my eyebrows done, or go shopping. sounds kinda shallow but it costs money to be a girl.
i can't wait to get out of federal way. i want to move to seattle so bad. Commuting is killing me. Sitting on the cold bus for an hour there, and an hour back, is not really time well spent.
Days are way too short now. It feels like i don't have time to do everything. To have fun, and get everything i need to get done, done.
i feel stuck ! ! ! |
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